Four Years and Counting

On November 28, Chris and I will have been married for four years (and together as a couple for nearly nine).

Looking back, I’m thankful that we’ve had each other’s love and support through so many of life’s ups and downs. Looking ahead, I’m praying that God will help me to resemble the Biblical descriptions of a Godly wife more and more.

For the husbands and wives out there (and for those of you praying for a future spouse), I’d like to share the Amplified translation of Ephesians 5:33. Since I’m not a Hebrew and Greek scholar, I appreciate how the AMP expands words and phrases to capture the connotations of the original text:

“… Let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].”

Now, to be honest, words like “reverence” and “venerate” definitely rub my 21st century Western sensibilities the wrong way. Those words conjure images of subservient housewives from the 1950’s in ruffled aprons—or much worse, women suffering in abusive, oppressive relationships. Those thoughts send chills up my spine.

I nearly dismissed the whole passage as irrelevant to our culture, but with some more prayer and consideration, I began to think about what would happen if a wife practiced the exact opposite of those instructions in brackets. What if she ignored her husband, disregarded him, dishonored him, preferred others, and so on?

That sort of treatment would undoubtedly cause a husband to feel insecure. It would cause upset in the home, hurt children, and in some cases, even tear a marriage apart. When I thought about it that way, I began to feel grateful for the privilege and responsibility of encouraging my husband and lifting him up. I’m praying that God will help me live into this conviction even more than I have before.

With that in mind (and in honor of our anniversary), I’d like to share some wonderful things that I love about my husband and our marriage:

Dear Chris, I love that we share a faith in Jesus. I’m so thankful that we can pray together, worship together, believe for miracles together, and serve together. I love that we’re at ease in each other’s presence. I love that we can relax and act goofy… and turn a weekend into a Marvel movie marathon. I'm thankful that we can encourage one another and even accept each other’s constructive criticism. I love that we’re best friends. I’m thankful that we’ve grown to know and love each other since we were 18, and that we’ve been there for each other through thick and thin. I love the happy memories that we share: our early days in youth group, studying and working hard during our college years, all the weddings we’ve been to, family gatherings, serving together in church, hosting occasions in our home, laughing at weird things the cat does, conversations during long car rides… I could go on and on. I love to admire the talents that God has given you. I’m still amazed by how effortless it seems when music flows from your fingertips to your instruments. I love how you sing worship songs with so much strength and conviction. And I’m in awe of your creative process when you develop videos for our church. Your sensitivity and faith come together to form a style that’s uniquely yours.

I love collaborating with you at work. It’s truly a dream come true to bring our gifts together and serve with such a great staff at our church. I love how my family and your family truly love and accept one another. We’re so blessed that we can come together as one big happy bunch on special occasions. When we became a couple, I soon felt like I gained another set of parents, and siblings, and aunts, and uncles, and cousins. I never knew my own grandmothers, but when I met you, I even gained two precious Abuelas. I love how you go out of your way to bless my family. Thanks so much for being my parents’ personal IT guy, for driving 6 hours in a day so we can spend an afternoon with my extended family New York or Jersey, and for everything else you do because you love us.  I love how your eyes sparkle when you laugh from your gut. I love your unwavering faith and moral compass. I can always trust your instincts of right and wrong, and your ability to make Spirit-led decisions. We have lots of new stuff on the horizon (the prospect of becoming parents, for one), and even though I’m a little scared, I’m thankful and excited that you’re leading the way. Love Always, Michelle

I’d encourage readers to prayerfully consider making lists of things you love about those close to you. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the old adage that “familiarity breeds contempt.” I’d add that familiarity could also breed staleness and ungratefulness. I know Thanksgiving is behind us, but I believe exercises like this are healthy in any season. Here's to the ones we love!