I wear my heart on my face. (My sleeve is reserved for my kids' boogies and cheese doodle schmutz.) What I mean is, I'm pretty good at buttoning my lip when I'd rather not share what's on my heart—but it doesn't take a detective to glance at my expressions and gather what's under the surface.
My husband, Chris, is especially skilled at seeing straight through my cellophane poker face. If you were a fly on the wall during my nightly scroll through social media, you'd get the picture.
Now and again, Chris glances up from his iPad and rolls his eyes. "What is it now?"
"Nothing," I reply. But the flare of my nostrils tells a different story. I'm either smelling a sour mozzarella ball or I've encountered something disturbing on Facebook.
With no fermenting formaggio in sight, he leans over to peek at my screen. "Oh, that's some close-up."
"What do you mean? I think it's a very nice picture of her," I defend. "Okay, maybe it's a tad too close, that's all. It just caught me off guard because her nose looks bigger than usual. I mean, not that she has a big nose! I should talk! I just mean, we don't usually see her so close that we notice her mustache hairs. I mean, it's great that her mustache hairs aren't ordinarily that noticeable. I have to use bleach for mine, plus a tweezer for my eyebrows. She, on the other hand, hardly has any eyebrows. Which, isn't a bad thing, really. Just an observation—"
That's a slightly exaggerated account of a very real struggle I have with sharing an honest opinion. If I don't have anything nice to say, I don't say anything at all... not intentionally, anyway.
Sometimes, though, the disturbing sight on social media goes much deeper than a poorly chosen profile pic. As I thumb through status updates, I occasionally come across posts and comments from my married friends that I wish I hadn't seen.
Marital squabbles used to happen behind closed doors, but social media has changed all that. (Granted, if you grew up in New York or really any American city, you've been privy to domestic arguments wafting out the windows and into the streets along with the smell of ethnic foods and clothes softener, but that's all part of urban charm. Moving on.)
I'm not sure what it is about social media that dulls our ability to discern right from wrong, but I'm concerned. I can't hide my scrunched face behind the screen of my smartphone any longer, so here it is: a list of 3 things that loving couples do on social media, followed by a list of 5 things they don't do.
Loving Couples Do...
1. Use social media to publicly affirm their spouse.
2. Know each other's social media passwords. (It's just smart.)
3. Post sweet old photos of each other on anniversaries and Throwback Thursdays.
Loving Couples Don't...
1. Use social media as a public outlet for passive aggression.
Nothing like the smell of freshly cut grass—or so I've heard. When I told Bob I could hardly find the mailbox, he handed me his hunting machete and left to go fishing.
2. Use social media to blatantly bash their spouse.
If only my wife ran on the treadmill as much as she runs her mouth. #AManCanDream
3. Use social media to keep up with old flames.
Looks like you had fun at the lake! Still looking good in a life jacket, I see. Remember that summer we passed notes at camp?
4. Use social media to aid in "If only my spouse were like so-and-so" pity parties.
Stacy, your husband was so sweet to leave flowers on your windshield! Leroy left a burger wrapper on the driver's seat for me this morning. I sat on it. Now my suit smells like pickles.
5. Use social media to hold extensive direct message conversations with an attractive person (who's not their spouse).
No example needed. Just don't. It's as potentially dangerous (emotionally speaking) as being alone with him or her behind closed doors.
If you've committed any of the 5 no-no's please understand that I'm not judging you. I get it. Sometimes you're so peeved that you just want to know that someone out there understands. A few years ago, during some weak moments, I chose to compose a sarcastic facebook post rather than have an honest conversation with my husband. I always deleted the post after I cooled down, but my choices were still hurtful. Those lists above are a declaration for myself as well.
Remember, your spouse is not your enemy, the devil is—and he's out to destroy the harmony in your home. Yes, it's important to be real on social media. No one wants to see your life through a rose-colored photo filter. But realize that the words you share online have real consequences, for better or for worse.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” –Ephesians 4:29
