3 Questions
To Ask Yourself on a Weight-Loss Journey
Here's the honest truth: I wanted to lose weight because I couldn't stand looking at my rolls in the mirror. I felt like moose. I moved like a moose. I even sounded like a moose when I had to hoist myself out of bed in the morning.
But that's not all. Let's excavate a little deeper and shine our mining hats into the dank depravity of my soul. Get a load of these gems:
Post-pregnancy, I felt...
- Unattractive. No fault of my husband's. I'm just insecure, and I was certain that he found me repulsive even though he never said anything of the sort.
- Scared to death to face every waking moment with our newborn. Motherly instincts didn't kick in as quickly as I'd hoped.
- Worried about the loss of feeling in my left arm. This was a result of an IV mishap during delivery at the hospital. Caring for a newborn with one hand was frustrating, to put it mildly. Thankfully, I was able to use my hand again after a month or so of electrotherapy.
- Depressed about the changes in my lifestyle. I had to pull out of a lot of fulfilling activities at church and cut back my work hours in order to care for our baby. Don't get me wrong, I cherished every moment with my little girl. I just felt cooped-up. I missed spending time with the friends who meant so much to me.
So, if we chip away through all these rocky layers, it's obvious that the driving motivation for my weight loss came down to these factors:
- Low self-esteem
- Feelings of inadequacy and lack of control in life
- Depression, anxiety, stress, and loneliness
Hey, what do you know? That's the very same bulleted list under the heading, "Psychological Factors that Can Contribute to Eating Disorders" at nationaleatingdisorders.org!
I wouldn't say that I developed a full-fledged eating disorder, but I could've been on my way if I hadn't paused during a push-up to think about why I wanted so badly to lose weight.
An obsession of any sort can severely detract from our relationships with God and loved ones. I didn't want to go there.
Question 2: What's your goal Body Mass Index (BMI)?
BMI isn't foolproof, but it's a trusted, concrete way to develop a weight goal.
You can calculate your BMI by entering your weight and height at nhlbi.nih.gov.
At 4'10.5" and 97 pounds, my BMI is 20, which falls in the "Normal Weight" range. I'm making some lifestyle adjustments to ensure that I stay there rather than continue to shed pounds. In short, I'm going to eat more protein and fats and try to gain some muscle mass through anaerobic exercise.
Question 3: What are your loved ones saying? (And what's a healthy response?)
When I was heavy last year, my "bazooms" were compared to fruits of the melon variety. When I lost weight, my rear end apparently "disappeared." Gotta love an Italian-American family that tells it like it is.
It's tough to let crass assessments like those go in one ear and out the other. I'd say it's about impossible. What I've tried to do, though, is peel away the hurtful jargon and look at the heart of their feedback.
I know that my family loves me. Whenever I look unhealthy (whether I'm not my ideal weight, or I'm too pale, or my eyes are bloodshot, or I have a bruise that won't heal), they grow concerned. They may not know how to express that concern in the gentlest way, or even in a way that wouldn't be censored on basic cable, but at least they care enough about me to notice that something's wrong and let me know.
I won't get hard truth like that from surface-level relationships.
Additionally, I'm blessed to have some lovely people in my life who know how to express concern sensitively. I give their comments a lot more weight and consideration than the offhand remarks that I mentioned above. I have a friend who asked me some questions about my weight-loss recently and followed-up with the open-ended inquiry, "Do you think that's wise?" She caught me off guard in the moment, but she got me thinking, and I knew how much she cared.
*As a side-note, I'd say it's best to be honest and lovingly let our loved ones know when their words are hurtful. Sometimes they're completely oblivious to how their language choices can trouble us. Other times they know they're being rude, but they've gotten into the habit of spewing insults for one reason or another. They might joke or try to change the subject when you try to share your feelings, but don't let them brush you off. Approach the subject in love, and be truthful. If nothing else, you'll get the hurt off your chest.
When all else fails, get happy.
Life is complicated. When we analyze our circumstances to death, we get cranky and end up with indigestion and permanent creases on our aching foreheads.
Jesus conquered death so that we could have life to the full (John 10:10). It's a problem when anxiety over our weight or anything else puts a cork on the bubbling-over joy that's ours in Christ.
While it's certainly valuable to take an inventory of your motives on the quest toward wholeness, don't forget to pause and enjoy yourself along the way.
If you're on the brink of a meltdown, go ahead and eat a cookie. Sing a song, do a dance, love the people around you—do what's necessary to take a breath and enjoy the life that God gave you.
"So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun." –Ecclesiastes 8:15 (NIV)
