This revelation regarding our freeloading fur-ball caused me to think back to a high school biology lesson on symbiosis. It occurred to me that it may be possible to categorize the important relationships in my life using the terms that scientists have coined for interspecies interactions.
Allow me to demonstrate:
Allow me to demonstrate:
| 3 Major Types of Symbiosis More Info » | |
| MUTUALISM | Mutually beneficial relationship |
| Example: Karen and I. Caring for my daughter gives me joy. As she's cared-for, she continues to grow and defy the laws of cuteness. | |
| COMMENSALISM | One organism benefits and the other is hardly affected |
| Example: My Neighbor and I. My next-door neighbor volunteers her time to manage the gardening in our development. I do nothing for her in return. Shucks, that makes me sound horrible... I did give her a tin of cookies at Christmas. | |
| PARASITISM | One organism benefits and the other is harmed |
| Example: My Cat and I. She eats, poops, and vomits. I buy her food and clean up her mess. If leeches had fur and whiskers I guess we'd keep them as pets too. | |
Evaluating the give-and-take in our relationships can be a healthy exercise. As we consider our needs and the needs we help fulfill in others, we can weigh-out the areas where we may be off-balance. In the case of my neighbor, I'd like to get to know her better and figure out how I can be a blessing in her life. The store-bought cookies don't seem to cut it.
Here are a few types of relational unbalance that come to mind:
- Lopsided Giving: One individual gives to the point of exhaustion while the other mostly takes.
- Example 1: A friend is continually in need of favors, but is somehow never available to help when others are in need.
- Example 2: An employee devotes time and energy to a company, but receives little compensation in the form of pay or praise.
- Manipulative Giving: An individual gives with hopes of receiving something in return.
- Example 1: A church member gives a generous donation toward building renovations, but expects to have all his preferences met for carpet and wall color, along with a plaque of recognition in the hallway.
- Example 2: A student agrees to tutor his struggling classmate, but relentlessly pressures her for a date whenever they meet to study.
- Misplaced Expectations: An individual looks to the wrong source to fulfill a need.
- Example 1: A husband or wife seeks emotional and/or sexual fulfillment in a relationship or fantasy outside of marriage.
- Example 2: An insecure person looks to a friend or family member for a level of validation that can only come from a flourishing relationship with God.
- Abuse: One individual is beaten-down while the other maintains a harmful level of control. We often think of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness actually provides descriptions for 12 different types of abuse (learn more).
- Example 1: A spouse controls his wife through put-downs and verbal manipulation.
- Example 2: A teacher tears up a student's work and offers no help or encouragement.
Action Steps:
We're called to turn the other cheek and do to others as we'd have them do to us (Matthew 5:39; Luke 6:31). We also know that it's more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:33-35).It may seem unfair, but some individuals are incapable of giving back due to emotional, mental, economic, and/or physical limitations. This isn't always the case, though. Some people are just selfish. God can give us the wisdom we need to tell the difference and provide the strength we need to persevere in these relationships.
When we reach the point of exhaustion, however, God may be leading us to take action. Jesus came so that we could have life to the full (John 10:10). When a draining relationship threatens our blood-bought right to full life, it's time to take action.
My suggestion: Pray for wisdom, have a conversation with the offender (speaking the truth in love), and establish boundaries. Some relational healing may require the help of a counselor.
Take-Away Thoughts:
- Do you have a healthy balance of give-and-take in your relationships?
- Are you being drained by a parasite? Are you a parasite in the life of someone else?
- Take a moment to reflect on the following verses in John: John 6:35; John 7:38-39, John 13:34-35; John 15:12-13. As we're transformed into Christ's image, we become life-givers, rather than takers.
- What practical things will you do to help bring balance to your relationships that may be out of line?
